Alyssa Writes

Year in Search 2014: The Weird & The Funny

Seek and ye shall find

Seek and ye shall find

I have posts dating back to 2011 when my blog was called Colour Me Martinique but 2014 was the first full year Alyssa Writes has been online. As I wrote more posts my search traffic steadily increased — and so did the variety of keywords people used to find them.

Google only reveals about 20% of the keywords used to find sites so this is actually a very small proportion what people have been searching for to get to Alyssa Writes. Some are hilarious and some are downright strange, and I thought a good end of the year laugh is just what we all need! Without further ado: The weirdest search terms of 2014!

budapest party hostels antics

Shit is always about to kick off in Budapest.

voodoo in martinique

Are you sure you want to go there?

getting laid at caribana

Just kidding. This never happens.

alyssa james institute

what if your bf work abroad dont have always time for you

Well, you just gotta be like…

rituel quimbois haïtiens pour guérir poison mis dans nourriture

(Haitian quimbois [Martinican black magic] ritual for curing poison put in food)


what the answer of have you travelled outside your country of residence, excluding to the uk or a commonwealth country, in the last 10 years?

I have written one of the most comprehensive blog posts on the UK Youth Mobility Visa for Canadians with an accompanying Frequently Asked Questions and yet I get questions to things I have made very clear. My partner pointed out that due to the pedantic nature of the post it does attract a person of a certain…intelligence.

Similar: “new york uk visa office sent me a email your visa issued you willbe contacted toronto vfs global when will contact me”, “have you travelled outside your country of residence, excluding to the uk or a commonwealth country, in the last 10 years?”

who am i as a writer

I believe the term is ‘unemployed’.

6. write the names of these places that you can see in london

It’s just gray. You can’t see anything.

P.S. I get this exact search a couple times a month, so if this is a test or something then you should know that your students are cheating.

alyssa sex on beach


sex on beach with friends

Keep trying.

Similar: “beach sex with friends”, “my sex at beach”, “sex on the beaches of martinique”

am travelling to the uk and my visa got soaked in water

You wouldn’t happen to be the same person asking about alyssa sex on beach would you?

aussie expat relationship problems

Say it with me!

brad pitt gypsy

Yeah, I watched that Brad Pitt GIF a few more times than necessary 😉

comment noicir quelqu un avec du quimbois

(how to curse someone with quimbois)

I am a force of evil in the blogosphere.

explain czech food


guy haggles travels across world

It’s like magic or something.

harringay hipster


how do londen say christmas

how’s the beer pilsner urquell got healing properties

It Beliebs.

i got pregnant while on my youth visa in the uk

Oops or nah…?

i love you kareen liez

Similar: kareen liez new boyfriend

i’m alyssa, and this is a place i express what’s on my mind.

No, I’m Alyssa and this is a place I express what’s on my mind.

in america resume should be one page should it be two in canada

It should be five. We like to be thorough.

Similar: “i” in an american resume

You’ve clearly got your priorities in order…

love for alyssa still grows


moved abroad with boyfriend and want to break up

Or not.

moved abroad with boyfriend spend too much time together

Just be like,

From Drake’s lips.

my parents came in canada on super visa basis i want to take them to usa for shopping is it possible

pierre aphrodisiaque martinique

(aphrodisiac stone martinique)

Get it, girl.

sex life in martinique

It’s really hot. Like, in the sweaty way. If you have one at all that is.

Similar: martinique plan sex, sex in martinique

what motivates me to become manager

The essentials: food and money.

when i was about twelve i went to the notting hill carnival in london with my dad

Cool story bro, tell it again.

Similar: “we didn’t own a house. my partner wanted to travel and work overseas i wasn’t sure but i went”

ром “сайнт джеймс”

(Rum Saint James – a searcher from St. Petersbug)

The Russians drank it.

Thanks for following along with me this year everyone — I hope you enjoyed this little hat tip to 2014. If you have a blog, what are the weirdest search terms you get? If not, what’s the funniest thing you’ve searched for? Happy Holidays and Merry New Year!